When little girls dream about their wedding, they think about the dress and the handsome man, not what words will be said to bind them together as husband and wife, besides the “I do” they see on movies. When these little girls grow up and get engaged, the last thing on their minds is the ceremony, which is ironic because it’s the most important part of this most important day. Without these words spoken, there would be no wedding, just one big party.

With this in mind, how does one go about creating the perfect ceremony? In most cases, gone are the days when the same words are spoken by a pastor from the same book for every couple that come before him to get married. On one hand, this is wonderful news for those who want a customized, unique ceremony. On the other, it’s another headache waiting to happen for those who have no idea how and where to get started.
 

Our Story

My husband and I were married by our pastors in our home church who had known the two of us since childhood. Pastor David and Pastor Ken brought the personality, uniqueness, and Godly-perspective that we were hoping for into our ceremony.

We had chosen a very traditional beginning for the ceremony, mostly because of the final scene of the old BBC Pride and Prejudice that was a favorite of mine and my sisters. The fact that I could have the same “Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today in the sight of God…” that Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy had was exactly what I wanted.  We didn’t have a unity candle or anything like that, but some of our musically talented friends played “Potter’s Hand” while my groom and I held hands and reveled in the fact that we were to be man and wife. What was the most memorable to my husband and me was Pastor Ken playing with Play-Doh, right in the middle of the ceremony.

I kid you not.

As I mentioned, the man who married us was a youth pastor and as such, he never preached a sermon without a visual that would be implanted into memory forever. He had made a coat hanger into a triangle beforehand and had blue Play-Doh wadded onto one bottom corner and pink Play-Doh mashed onto the other. The idea was that marriage is like a triangle. My groom was the blue dough, I was the pink dough, and God was at the top of the triangle. We could do things the easy way by trying to become closer by ourselves, said Pastor Ken while pushing the two wads together in the middle of one side of the triangle, but we’d be far from God.  However, if we each drew closer to God in our personal relationship with Him, we’d draw closer to our spouse as well. He then mashed the two colors together at the top of the triangle to make purple, a royal color symbolic of God.

Then after the vows and the ring exchange, my new husband kissed his bride and we exited the church to “Rawk Fist” by Thousand Foot Krutch as our recessional, shocking our grandmothers and making our friends laugh.Even with everything I now know about weddings and their ceremonies, I would not change a single thing about ours. Our pastor knew us well enough to make it extremely personal, God-centered, and serious but keeping it light, traditional and unique.
 

The Officiant

A good place to start thinking about your ceremony is the officiant who will marry the two of you. If you’re not fortunate to have someone marry you that you’ve known and respected for years, finding an officiant that will do just as good a job is possible. You will simply have to put the work in to find him or her, using all the care and research you used to find the perfect venue or dress.

Obviously, you should look for an officiant that provides the kind of ceremony you would like. Hiring an officiant that specializes in Hindu weddings doesn’t work well if you want a Catholic ceremony. Once you find an officiant that serves what you want, check out prices. Keep in mind their traveling fees if they are traveling more than 30 minutes to your ceremony. If you hire an officiant that has low prices, but lives three hours away, they will probably charge you for their travel time and gas hiking the price way up.

Once you’ve done your research and you find an officiant that looks great on paper (or website), have a meeting with him to make sure he lives up to the hype. Here’s a site with some great questions to ask (some may not be relevant to you). Make sure to ask for samples of the ceremony he or she usually uses. Even if you don’t want to use every bit of it, you can use it as a guideline to create the ceremony you do want.
 

The Words

Now that you’ve gotten an idea of what the ceremony will be like through your chosen officiant, it’s time to do a little wedding ceremony decoupage. This is where you use the handy dandy World Wide Web. When helping my friend re-write her ceremony from her officiant’s sample, I used About.com (I searched “wedding ceremony sample”), which had tons of links to every kind of ceremony you could think of, from vows to blessings, Christian to secular, traditional to non.  I thought the ceremony turned out beautifully on paper, very unique with traces of tradition, and tons of personality!

Don’t be afraid to get creative. You don’t have to use any of them word for word. If you like the gist of something but not the wording, re-write it. If you can’t find something you want, write it yourself. If poetry was not your forte’ in school and you have trouble getting your point across, grab someone who can, be it you fiancé, mother, maid of honor, or English teacher. Have a third party take a gander to “proof” your work and offer suggestions.
 

The Memory

Besides the kiss, the most memorable part of the ceremony is the visual, usually in the form of a unity ceremony. In our case, it was the Play-Doh. If you and your fiancé want something different, like we did, there are tons of different kinds of unity ceremonies that are a little “off beat.” Check out the Off Beat Bride for different ceremonies from hand fasting, like my sister did, to bread breaking ceremonies. Don’t see any you like? Just Google “unique unity ceremonies” and you’ll get tons more fun stuff like log sawing and honey ceremonies.

If you’re into REALLY unique (or downright weird) weddings, take a look Eventective. It has wedding customs from all around the world, including kidnapping the bride, throwing eggs and garbage at the bride, and stealing the groom’s shoes.